Fate’s Angel
Come join me now, you feeble men.
Courage will bring you safely here.
Come join me in this peaceful glen.
You’ll find me beyond man’s usual ken,
Beyond the world of hurt and fear.
Come to me now, you feeble men.
Serene and calm, there swims a pen
Across a lake, like glass, so clear.
Come join me in this peaceful glen.
With mettle you can leave your den.
Forego your doubt, look past the blear.
Come to me now, you feeble men.
Come join me now, I call again.
I summon you; your end is near.
Come join me in this peaceful glen.
With fearlessness you’ll find your yen,
Embrace your fate, embrace the bier.
Come to me now, you feeble men,
Come join me in this peaceful glen.
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Comments
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"I snorted my cereal and got high on life"
Take a look at my
Anko/Kakashi club WOOT! - [link] -
ANYWAY, moving on.
I honestly like your "powerful" [says Pollis] couplet. Also, like I said earlier, obscure definitions much?! [Though you did a very good job with your word choice.] Overall, this is really nice and I think well-written. Minus the vocabulary lesson. LoL
"Come join me now, I call again.
That you hear me means end is near.
Come join me in this peaceful glen."
OY! The second line of this stanza...baaahhhh..... It sounds a bit awkwardly worded... Maybe...The end is close if you can hear...? Or, or: I call for you; your end is near.
Okay, so, my second one is a bit darker but that's just how I write. I'd like to stress, though, the fact that you used "end" in the second line and how that is really throwing me off.
*goes back through and rereads poem five more times*
ALRIGHT, I THINK I CAN ACTUALLY HELP NOW.
Come join me now as I call again;
if your ears are open then the end is near.
Com join me in this peaceful glen.
I think I failed, but I tried. I hope I sort of helped you?
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Compassion's a blessing and a curse.
--
"As for you, Private, if you mention a word of this to anyone, I'll feed you to the cat thing here. Understand?"
"Yum," said Mogget.
You're welcome...I think...
And, again, good word choice.
summon > call
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Compassion's a blessing and a curse.
Nice, although, who's talking here?
--
"We're SO over him!" –Zekk
"There are no weeds here." -Jacen Solo
Q: WHERE'S JAINA?!
A: IN AFRICAAAA!!
Join ~NJO-LotF-Fans! The club for YJK, NJO, Dark Nest, LotF!
~SARS-08~melzika~mandalorianmedjai
--
"As for you, Private, if you mention a word of this to anyone, I'll feed you to the cat thing here. Understand?"
"Yum," said Mogget.
--
"We're SO over him!" –Zekk
"There are no weeds here." -Jacen Solo
Q: WHERE'S JAINA?!
A: IN AFRICAAAA!!
Join ~NJO-LotF-Fans! The club for YJK, NJO, Dark Nest, LotF!
~SARS-08~melzika~mandalorianmedjai
--
Goddess of everything Corran-related!
Also, check out our club! ~NJO-LotF-Fans Go Star Wars!
--
"As for you, Private, if you mention a word of this to anyone, I'll feed you to the cat thing here. Understand?"
"Yum," said Mogget.
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