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Fate’s Angel

Come join me now, you feeble men.
Courage will bring you safely here.
Come join me in this peaceful glen.

You’ll find me beyond man’s usual ken,
Beyond the world of hurt and fear.
Come to me now, you feeble men.

Serene and calm, there swims a pen
Across a lake, like glass, so clear.
Come join me in this peaceful glen.

With mettle you can leave your den.
Forego your doubt, look past the blear.
Come to me now, you feeble men.

Come join me now, I call again.
I summon you; your end is near.
Come join me in this peaceful glen.

With fearlessness you’ll find your yen,
Embrace your fate, embrace the bier.
Come to me now, you feeble men,
Come join me in this peaceful glen.
:iconbartimaeus-the-djinn:

Author's Comments

For creative writing, in villanelle form. It was really tough for me to write this because it had so many repeating end rhymes that i ran out of words. so i had to use RhymeZone.com. It might be cheating but oh well. it turned out okay for me since i suck at poetry. Anyway, you might need a vocabulary lesson since some of the words are pretty obscure (they were all i could find that rhymed):

Ken: range of what one can know or understand
Example: "Beyond my ken"
Pen: female swan
Blear: a blur; cloudiness; dimness
Yen: a desire or craving
Bier: a frame or stand on which a corpse or the coffin
containing it is laid before burial.

Props to yinyang-dragon55 for her help. Thanks!

Comments


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:iconyoruichi1120:
Wow that was very good^^

--
"I snorted my cereal and got high on life"

Take a look at my :gallery: [link] ya might wanna watch me^^

Anko/Kakashi club WOOT! - [link] -
:iconyinyang-dragon55:
Whoa, what?! Pikachu girl?!!! :XD:
ANYWAY, moving on.

I honestly like your "powerful" [says Pollis] couplet. Also, like I said earlier, obscure definitions much?! [Though you did a very good job with your word choice.] Overall, this is really nice and I think well-written. Minus the vocabulary lesson. LoL :D

"Come join me now, I call again.
That you hear me means end is near.
Come join me in this peaceful glen."


OY! The second line of this stanza...baaahhhh..... It sounds a bit awkwardly worded... Maybe...The end is close if you can hear...? Or, or: I call for you; your end is near.
Okay, so, my second one is a bit darker but that's just how I write. I'd like to stress, though, the fact that you used "end" in the second line and how that is really throwing me off. :P I mean, all of the other stanzas are just perfect/fine the way they are...but this particular one is REALLY bugging me.
*goes back through and rereads poem five more times*
ALRIGHT, I THINK I CAN ACTUALLY HELP NOW. ;)
Come join me now as I call again;
if your ears are open then the end is near.
Com join me in this peaceful glen.

I think I failed, but I tried. I hope I sort of helped you? ^^;

--
Compassion's a blessing and a curse.:fuzzydemon:
:iconbartimaeus-the-djinn:
Thanks. That line bugged me too. I like "I call for you; the end is near" so im gonna use that one. Thanks again! :w00t:

--
"As for you, Private, if you mention a word of this to anyone, I'll feed you to the cat thing here. Understand?"
"Yum," said Mogget.
:iconyinyang-dragon55:
LoL :XD:
You're welcome...I think...;)
And, again, good word choice. :P
summon > call

--
Compassion's a blessing and a curse.:fuzzydemon:
:iconcds-03:
Sucess with vocab!
Nice, although, who's talking here?

--
"We're SO over him!" –Zekk :heart:
"There are no weeds here." -Jacen Solo:jedi:
Q: WHERE'S JAINA?! :noes:
A: IN AFRICAAAA!! :mwahaha:

Join ~NJO-LotF-Fans! The club for YJK, NJO, Dark Nest, LotF!

~SARS-08~melzika~mandalorianmedjai :heart:
:iconbartimaeus-the-djinn:
Death himself. *bows to thunderous applause* :bow:

--
"As for you, Private, if you mention a word of this to anyone, I'll feed you to the cat thing here. Understand?"
"Yum," said Mogget.
:iconcds-03:
:boo:

--
"We're SO over him!" –Zekk :heart:
"There are no weeds here." -Jacen Solo:jedi:
Q: WHERE'S JAINA?! :noes:
A: IN AFRICAAAA!! :mwahaha:

Join ~NJO-LotF-Fans! The club for YJK, NJO, Dark Nest, LotF!

~SARS-08~melzika~mandalorianmedjai :heart:
:iconsars-08:
I like it! It reminds me of a part of Inkdeath, but I love the feel of it! And I actually learned some vocab!:XD:

--
Goddess of everything Corran-related!:love:

Also, check out our club! ~NJO-LotF-Fans Go Star Wars!
:iconbartimaeus-the-djinn:
I know! but the insuferable part was that I could not find a word that Meg, who sits next to me, didn't know! Not a single one! I took half a class period (when I should have been writing :ohmygod:) trying to find obscure vocab and she knew EVERY SINGLE WORD!

--
"As for you, Private, if you mention a word of this to anyone, I'll feed you to the cat thing here. Understand?"
"Yum," said Mogget.

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